Miss Singapore Jokes

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:


MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question
incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW !

Judge: ?????????!!!!


Ah Soh Jokes

Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.

Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl : "Yes !"

Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "

**************

Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.

She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"

She is not sure of the question.

After much thought, she writes " Yes "

**************

Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do?"

Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"

Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"

**************

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Soh always compares
it with the original for spelling mistakes.

**************

Ah Soh always smiles during lightning storms because she thinks her picture is being taken.

**************

Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?

Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

**************

Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.

Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.

After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering .

Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."

Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."

Real Men Drink Milk

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition.

During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."

The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!".

Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"

Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"

Host : "Quiet please."

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)


Sounds like Cow to me

Overheard in an English class.
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay & Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)"
The teacher fainted.

Now Hear This!

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!"

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But.. what happened to the other ear?"

"That stoopid dumbo called back!"
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